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About The Ideal Man

Well, after reading a lot of stuff, although there is a lot of diversity regarding male characters. But in a lot of stories where the female is the centre, there is this trap that it falls into.

That the ideal man is someone who accepts the heroine, who is strong yet kind, and in all ways perfect. A gentleman in all ways, with almost no flaws. Looking perfect and awesome. And I see how worrying it actually is.

What happened to actually giving them a personality, and making them charming using the actual traits they have. What happened to their vulnerability, their weaknesses, their flaws. And most importantly, what happened to their life outside of their love interest.

And this is often the man who will get the girl at the end of the day. What happened to portraying men as real people, rather than perfect prince charmings who will save the girl, but still respect her. Especially in Chinese dramas. It has gotten to the point that I’m actively avoiding them. (That’s another post for another day.)

I want to see real boys, real men, with their own struggles, demons and stories. Not prince charmings cardboard cutouts, because those are impossible. And those are not a reality. They satisfy the fantasy, I get it. But it is just so annoying that boys sometimes are reduced to guardian angels, when they could be three dimensional characters.

It will give the story a depth, allow the female character to learn and grow independent. Because not every time a guy will save her, or drop everything to help her when they hear she is in trouble. Because that is just unbelievable, really really unbelievable.

And that also turns me off, as much as strong female characters do when they are narrow. Because this is incredibly narrow, and unrealistic on so many levels. We should never think of an ideal man and write them to that expectation. We should always think of them as real people first, who do care and will fail.

And that they won’t always save the girl, they will lose at some point. That is what I want to see. And this is where I say, make them weak at some points, strong at others.

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8 thoughts on “About The Ideal Man

  1. Very interesting how things have flipped around. Like it is impossible to have two deep characters in the same story. If the female lead is complex and developed, her counterpart/love interest/partner/whatever must be shallow. Something I never really noticed until you mentioned it here. Great point.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, it was also something that I only recently realised as well. And with that I do think it needs to be brought up. We shouldn’t tell the boys that they need to be everything to be a good man. They just need to be themselves and be the best person they can be.

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  2. Being an imperfect man myself, I love this post.
    But besides that I am a firm believer in character flaws. It is not the things we do to perfection that make us individuals, it is our flaws that make us unique.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, for me both genders should be treated the same as people. They should be people first, and allowed to have flaws, their own weaknesses. Neither should be reduced to cardboard cutouts or one dimensional characters

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      1. I seem to have a tendency to write female main characters. I don’t know if this is a Freudian thing or if I want to write my ideal counterpart. But I am persistent in them NOT being perfect.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Agree, even when I write male main characters I make them as human and as flawed as they can be. They can be overwhelmed by their emotions and make fatal mistakes because of those inherent flaws.

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